DOING “THE RIGHT THING”
Many couples have problems in their relationship because they not only tend to do “the same thing” that their parents did or practice the same harmful habits from their single life, but they also try to do “the right thing.”
What is “right”? It is a construct of the mind that tells me what I should expect from my husband or wife, what is right to demand of them. Then I forget about the specific person with whom I have joined my life and ask them to become the ideal that society demands of me. Curiously, “society” is an abstraction and I will not be able to please everyone, but in the process of trying to do so I can destroy, through pressure, my most important relationship.
There are couples who have had problems due to infidelity or financial setbacks. If it were up to them, perhaps they would be willing to forgive each other and start over. However, pressure from family and friends leads them to break up permanently because “it is not right to tolerate something like that.” That is why it is always better to wash dirty laundry at home. No one but us knows the true circumstances of the problems and we have the freedom to make the decisions we think are best, even if they seem illogical or reprehensible to others.
Decide from power
Your mood affects your health and your perception of reality. Anger, fear, frustration, and the feeling of “I can’t do it, I’m a victim” remain in your mood. You lose your ability to analyze, your waist grows, your short-term memory shrinks, you learn less, you get insomnia and gastritis.
When you have decided to take the wheel of your life from a position of power, you find situations in reality that have to do with your life project and favor it. But the same thing happens in a negative way: when you take on the role of victim, you find situations in reality or in your mind's interpretation of it that confirm your pessimistic vision.
If you think you can't, this system gives you the reasons why you can't do it (not being able to). The decision is fundamental.
I propose an exercise for you. To everything you normally say “I can’t”, say “I don’t want to”. You will see that it is more accurate and fills you with power. It also reveals your true reasons. You say you can’t do something because, in reality, deep inside, you don’t want to. So, be honest, strip yourself, stop deceiving and sabotaging yourself. Instead, decide from a position of responsibility and power.
