Open Door Syndrome
Today I want to talk to you about the open door syndrome. First, it is important for you to understand that in order to understand this syndrome, you need to become familiar with existential doubts.
Existential doubts are those that have no answer. Just as you read it: they have no answer.
Open door syndrome occurs when, in a relationship, you leave the door open so that the other person can enter or leave without any problem. This is only possible when both people are independent and do not depend on each other.
In an open-door relationship, you have the freedom to be in it by choice, day in and day out. Both people can leave, live their lives, and come back whenever they want.
This decision has consequences in the form of existential doubts. One of them is: will my partner come back?
And this question has no answer until it happens. If you return, the answer is not a word, but the very act of returning and crossing the open door again. If you do not, the answer will come in the form of absence. Raw reality is the only one that answers existential doubts.
Open-door relationships are maintained by two independent, solvent and free people who choose to be together without losing their autonomy.
However, in the open door syndrome there is also the option of a relationship with the door closed.
When the door is closed, another existential doubt arises: Is my partner here because he or she chooses to be or because the door is closed and he or she has no other choice?
This question cannot be answered with words or wishes. Only reality, with its evidence, can provide the answer.
It is essential that you read reality as it is, without allowing your mind to deceive you with comfortable lies that arise every day.
And I wonder: if someone is complete, then why does he relate to others? The answer is because he wants to share. And if sharing implies adding, being independent and being in a relationship can enrich you, making you feel more complete than being alone.
To increase self-esteem—the key to being free, independent and autonomous—it is necessary to set small goals and achieve them. Each achievement, however small, adds points to your self-esteem, generating abundance and self-confidence.
What happens when you set big goals for yourself and fail to achieve them? What happens is that your self-esteem weakens, which leads to loneliness and insecurity. Every time you fail to meet your goals, you damage your self-esteem. That's why setting goals that are too high is not always the best strategy. Vanity and ego do not contribute to the growth of self-esteem, as they make it take longer for you to improve your self-love.
Your self-image is strengthened every time you achieve a goal, no matter how big it is. Your self-image is how you see yourself when you look back on your life. What story do you tell yourself when you look back on your life? That story is the result of all the goals you have achieved.
If you are interested in learning more about this topic, I invite you to the Leaders' Summit and to the retreat Naked Relationships.
Thank you for reading me,
Dr. Roch