image

In negotiation, there are many rules, one of them is…

When negotiating, we make common mistakes that can cost us the deal or complicate the situation. In my nearly 30 years of experience in the world of professional negotiation, I have made many mistakes. Some of these mistakes resulted in a failure to close a negotiation, others created obstacles that could have been avoided, and still others affected subsequent negotiations.

When I started teaching courses and conferences on the subject more than 20 years ago, I realized that there are common mistakes among businesspeople, politicians, executives and, in general, anyone, that we could summarize in 10 golden rules to avoid making them.

In this series of articles, we will address, one by one, the 3 fundamental principles that must be observed in any negotiation, whether personal or professional, to make life easier and optimize results. The saying goes that wisdom consists of learning from the mistakes of others.

Let's start with the first one: for humans, perception is more important than reality. And this is something we must keep in mind when negotiating, since negotiating effectively involves managing the perceptions of others.

Let's imagine that you are buying a used car from an acquaintance. It is a model that you have always liked and you have found out that this person intends to sell it. You take the opportunity and decide to make him an offer:

  • “I like your car,” you say. “I’m offering you 100 thousand pesos for it. If you accept, I’ll give you a check right now.”
  • Okay, deal.

You shake hands and give him the check, just like you promised.

Would you be happy? After all, he accepted the price you offered him. The answer is simple: NO.

Why? The first thought that would probably come to mind would be, “Damn. I should have offered him 80 grand.”

The fact is that you wouldn't be happy just because your acquaintance didn't complain. If he had told you:

  • What do you think? My car is worth much more than that. There's no way I'm selling it to you at that price.

You probably would have paid 10 or 20 thousand pesos more, and you would have been happy! Simply because, by having a negotiation, you would have had the perception of having gotten the best deal possible, since your counterparty defended their point.

Remember: It is very important that your counterparty perceives his gains. It is of no use to make concessions if he does not perceive them as “gains” or if he perceives that he could have obtained more.

If your first offer is 10, and your second is 20, the message is “there is more.” And vice versa, if you ask for 20 and then ask for 10, the message your counterparty receives is “I can ask you to go even lower.” Offers and concessions should be progressively tighter. For example:

If your first offer is 100, the next should be 110, the third 115, the fourth 117, and the fifth 117.50. This sends the message that you are reaching your limit. The same goes for concessions.

It is important that the other party's perception is: "It was the best deal I could get." Reality takes a backseat.

Remember also that perception is closely linked to personal appearance. You see, you hear, you smell, you touch.

Does it touch? Of course! We know that a handshake is not a neutral thing. Rightly or wrongly, we draw conclusions, perhaps hastily, about the other person's energy, frankness, or laziness; we sense friendliness or contempt, honesty or caution, strength or weakness.

Can you smell it? Of course you can! Depending on whether the other person smells natural or artificial, we form judgments: “He is very untidy!”, “He smells like oniony food!”, “It is a cheap perfume!”, “He smells like a seedy bar!”, “He is very refined!”, “His breath is so bad, he should not wash his mouth often!”

It is clear that ears and, above all, eyes play a major role in this area. Even before the new visitor has closed the door of your office, even before he has uttered a single word, you have already formed an opinion: I like/I don't like, likeable/unfriendly, warm/cold, etc. It is time to remember that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression" and, therefore, to underline the importance of behaviour and the image we project of ourselves.

These first perceptions will condition the entire development of the negotiation and our chances of ending as we wish.

We must also be careful with our body language. Our habitual postures are outside our field of consciousness. Only under strict (firm!) orders or for very specific reasons (sport or dance, for example) do we voluntarily adopt a certain posture.

Nervousness, confidence, apathy, attention, like/dislike… a lot of data can be inferred from body language alone.

Pay special attention and act accordingly if you have correctly interpreted this change, or try to understand what is happening if you do not understand it. Keep in mind that they will also observe your own postures and can give you away. Pay attention when you change them and project an image of self-confidence, without provocations.

Finally, I'll give you a tactic where you can see this golden rule in its fullest expression. It's called Contrast.

Imagine one of your teenage children whom you ask one day:

  • Son, how did school go?
  • Oh, Dad! I'll have to repeat the year.

What would be your reaction? You would probably explode, demanding semen from him.

result. For example: “I, trying hard at work to give you an education, and you, being lazy…” And so, launching into a disciplinary speech, your child interrupts you to say:

  • That's not true, Dad! I only failed one! I have to take an extraordinary exam.

You probably want to stay angry, but the truth is that you'll be tremendously relieved. You have both scenarios in mind, and the reality is much better.

Of course, you will talk to him and scold him, but much less than you would have done if the boy had told you from the beginning that he had to take an extraordinary exam.

Used well, this tactic can yield very good results, but remember: wait for your counterpart's response first. Then, correct him in a joking tone. A good negotiator is a manipulator of perceptions. Leave me your comments and don't forget to sign up for the Master in Sales where we go into this topic in depth and develop your negotiating skills further. I'll read you, thank you. – Dr. Roch