It's not you, it's me!
We need to know and accept that all marriages go through different stages, moments when we really don't feel like being there anymore and moments when we "feel" that love has slipped away.
I recently heard a comment that literally made my hair stand on end. This person said that the idea of marriage “for life” was no longer used because it is impossible to commit to love someone like that, forever, because love ends and if love ends, you have to get out of that relationship.
Does love end or do I end love? I heard this from someone who calls himself a therapist and supposedly helps couples in crisis. Honestly, the first thing I thought was that this person had no idea - and doesn't have - what love is, that is, what it means. To love and commit means. And he is a couples therapist! Seriously, God forbid we should fall into the hands of “therapists” like this one who put love and commitment at the mercy of “feelings.”
In the end…
We “feel” bored, monotony sits on our sofa watching football matches with us. We no longer vibrate like in the early years, there are no more butterflies fluttering in our stomach…
But I say, thank goodness for life, we no longer live in this state of euphoria that falling in love brings with it! Imagine living like this, all your life with that “silly” face and even acting irrationally because -literally- when we are in love we don’t think, we just feel.
Personally, I think it's wonderful that these stages of tiredness and weariness go through our marriages because It is an invitation to reinvent our relationship, to spice things up, to make changes and take sensible and intelligent decisions, thoughtful, considered and not motivated by the moment or emotion.
In reflection, we think and then act. Decisions made viscerally - or according to what we feel - are not the most correct because they do not arise from our superior capacities - intelligence and will - but from our sensitivity, which is fickle.
So, if you go through something similar in your marriage, I invite you to reflect and remember what love is: an act of will.
Sometimes love doesn't "feel" pretty at all
That means you have to choose to love, whether you feel like it or not, whether you feel like it or not. You can't base your marriage, or live a commitment of that magnitude, on letting yourself be carried away by "feelings" because I have another piece of news for you: sometimes love doesn't "feel" pretty at all.
Better think again. What is it that is needed to rekindle the flame of love that once united you? Identify your shortcomings and make the necessary changes and adjustments. Seek professional help and opt for the one who is committed to a marriage for life.
“Forever” love does exist, it is real. Achieving it depends on you and your spouse. Remember that loving is an art that is learned by loving and that seeks the good of another.
Come on! Don't throw in the towel and instead reinvent your marriage.
If possible!
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