There are many reasons for getting divorced.

Couples considering the possibility of divorce They often turn to therapy as a last desperate attempt to save their marriage.

The American edition of The Huffington Post has spoken to several marriage therapists to resolve some doubts on the subject and, specifically, on the reasons that women usually have when they decide to divorce. These are their conclusions:

1. They feel undervalued and overly responsible for the relationship.

For a marriage to work, both parties have to be present. It requires attention, effort, intention and communication. At the end of the day, many people evaluate everything they do for the family and wonder where their partner has been, explains Kristin Davin, a psychologist based in New York.

“There are many women who feel like they are carrying the entire weight of the relationship, that they are doing most of the emotional work and that they are constantly having to find new things to keep the relationship alive,” she adds. “They get frustrated when they don’t receive the same consideration in return. Over time they end up saying, ‘why bother? ’”

Therefore, “the key ingredient for a healthy marriage is communication,” he says. Christine Wilke, Pennsylvania marriage therapist.

2. They always argue about the same thing with their partner.

Many couples People who go through marriage counseling have been arguing for years about the same things. When needs are repeatedly not met, mutual resentment builds up (a factor that is deadly to a relationship), she says. Olga Bloch, a marriage and family therapist from Maryland.

“When someone feels like they are unable to make changes, you start to hear statements like, ‘You never listen to me,’ or ‘Your apologies are empty and mean nothing,’” Bloch explains. “Eventually, this person gives up on the relationship and starts looking for a way out, because moving on is no longer an option.”

3. They are dissatisfied with their sex life.

For most couples, sex is a good barometer for measuring the health of a relationship. When they complain about their sex life, there are usually more problems outside the bedroom, Davin argues.

“If you feel sexually frustrated in your marriage, you feel emotionally depleted and drained,” she says. “Sometimes the question is: Can partners be affectionate without it always leading to sex? Sexual intimacy can easily become an issue that creates divisions in a marriage.”

4. They don't talk or connect emotionally with their partner like before.

According to Wilke, many people who have been married for a while consider divorce because they no longer feel emotionally connected to their partner.

“I would say it is the number one reason women decide to end their marriage,” she says. “This particular problem makes an unhappy woman much more vulnerable to having a affair “and look for that connection elsewhere.”

5. They have matured more than their partners.

It's inevitable that both partners will mature individually over the course of a relationship. This becomes a problem when they grow apart and one partner resists reconnecting, says Texas psychologist Anne Crowley.

“Marriages change and evolve, especially if they have children,” Crowley explains. “Often, it is the woman who encourages her partner to go to therapy to bridge the gap. If he resists, it leads to a dead end: the woman does not want to keep repeating the same toxic behaviors and he wants things to stay the same.”

6. There comes a point where divorce is the only way to look after yourself again.

Sometimes long-standing problems (such as addictions or uncontrolled anger) push couples over the edge, she notes. Winifred Reilly, a marriage and family therapist from California.

“What I hear over and over again is that they would rather end their marriage than face another day, another week, or another year with their partner and problems that never get better.”

After putting up with this behavior for a while, many people realize that they do not deserve to live in tension and disappointment day in and day out.

“Sometimes, despite love, commitment and efforts to keep the marriage alive, people reach a point of no return and decide to separate,” Reilly admits.

• Every year, more than 800,000 American couples divorce.

Although each couple enjoys its individuality for better or worse, the truth is that expert relationship therapists have taken on the task of listing the main reasons why that “Until death do us part” expires before the date of the funeral:

1. We did not know how to resolve our conflicts: Conflict mediator Dr. Sam Margulies writes for the specialized website Psychology Today that beyond not having communication, what really hurts a couple is not resolving differences in favor of the relationship. These differences without resolution can lead to the loss of respect and desperation of one or both members of the couple who finally seek distancing.

2. He did not consider having children with me: The Reddit website, built from comments and posts from readers, publishes a series of real reasons that lead several couples to divorce. Among them is that one of them did not want to have children, or I did not see the other person as someone suitable for raising and caring for children.

3. He was a self-centered person. A selfish man who wanted to control everything, including his partner.

4. Lack of commitment: Feelings no longer seem to be part of the relationship. Even interest in the other person's emotional life takes a backseat; there is no empathy, which are necessary elements for an intimate relationship.

5. We grew up in different ways: Each one took a different path of growth, which does not imply a lack of love. It is just that the paths are opening up to the point that they no longer share almost anything.

6. He was unfaithful to me: One of the readers commenting on the page says: “We couldn’t have a child and she decided to get pregnant by someone else.” And although the man wanted to forgive her behavior, everything was already destroyed.

7. We got married very young: When couples get married so early – especially at this time, when many reach their 30s single – they feel that they got carried away by the emotion of great love and did not have time to have other priorities before their partner.

8. There is no taste anymore: There is no longer any physical attraction, nor any liking for each other. They stopped caring for each other and being attracted to each other.

9. He kept it!: The idea that men support women is a thing of the past. They don't like women who lack initiative or vision. And what can we say about women who have to be the financial support and men don't take responsibility?

10. I wanted a wedding, not a marriage: They never found the real reasons to get married. They built a relationship based on ideals and were faced with a reality they did not expect.

11. There is no sex: This is a fundamental indicator that there is no connection in the couple. It is normal for the number of encounters to decrease on a daily basis, but for them to go months without having sex is not. They can become great companions, with zero passion.

12. It was a wildcard marriage: This often happens to people who get married at a critical time in their lives and are looking for someone to help them cope with the situation, such as a death, a tragedy, feelings of loneliness or separation.

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