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15 questions to identify if there is psychological abuse in your relationship

It is not about placing blame and putting ourselves in the role of victim.

Psychological violence can occur in both partners. Although it is hard for us to accept, it is possible that we are psychologically attacked, but it is also possible that we are the aggressors.

If at this moment or in the future you want to know if this happens in your relationship, and identify if you are the violent party or the battered, maybe asking yourself these questions can help you clarify the situation. It applies equally if it is from you to your partner, or vice versa:

  1. ¿They check their messages Even if the couple doesn't know or doesn't agree?
  2. ¿They complain about things that already happened or what do you think is happening?
  3. ¿They constantly criticize and in a derogatory tone the other's daily decisions (example: their way of dressing, the music they like, etc.)?
  4. Any of you? agree to have sexual relations just because if you don't, the other person gets angry or says there isn't enough love?
  5. ¿They minimize the problems pretending that they are nothing compared to what the other person is facing?
  6. Do you usually make the other feel, as if I couldn't be happy if you weren't together?
  7. ¿They use emotional blackmail to get what they want?
  8. ¿They prefer not to express their opinion or their feelings because they believe that the other person will react badly and judge them?
  9. ¿You feel like you can't be yourself when you're together.?
  10. Don't you usually make important decisions as a couple together?
  11. ¿They despise each other and make people doubt their abilities? 
  12. ¿They censor themselves in basic things like the way they dress or the media they consume because they feel that it would make the other person uncomfortable?
  13. ¿His mistakes are remembered very often and with the simple purpose of annoying the other and making him feel inferior?
  14. ¿They have outbursts of jealousy in which, even without reason, they question the other's love?
  15. Sand they blame each other of relationship problems?

Yeah You identified yourself as the one who asks the questions, let me tell you something: you are exercising a certain degree of psychological violence in your partner. That person whom you say you love and with whom you once thought you would be with for life, has a really hard time when you believe you have the right to make them feel as if they were inferior to you, or as if you could control them. 

And if when reading the questions you noticed that your partner has these behaviors, perhaps at this point in the article you are already aware of the situation of violence that you experience in your relationship. Only you know how you feel and why you are still with that person. I'm not here to judge you. 

Whatever your position, there is something you have in common with your partner: your relationship is not based on love. No type of violence, with or without blows, is born from love, nor is there any reason to justify it. It is not about blaming or putting labels.

It is about seeing your reality and taking charge of it to improve it or to accept it without complaining.

Life is the result of the quality of your relationships… check if your relationship is of quality enough to make you feel alive. 

I'm Dr Roch, thank you for reading.