7 behaviors that predict the failure of a relationship
Today I want to talk to you about something that affects us all: the complexity of human relationships.
Loving, living together, partnering, or simply maintaining a healthy connection is one of life's greatest challenges. While there's no magic formula to avoid failure, behavioral science and neuroscience reveal clear patterns that, if they occur frequently, ultimately destroy any relationship: romantic, business, or even familial.
The numbers confirm it: in the United States, nearly 40% of first marriages end in separation, breakup, or divorce. This underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing behaviors that erode trust, respect, and connection.
Today I'm sharing 7 behaviors that predict the failure of a relationship, based on my studies, my doctorate in behavior, and my experience working with thousands of people around the world.
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- Constant criticism
When criticism is directed against a person's identity and not against a specific behavior, it destroys self-esteem and connection.
It is not the same to say: “You are useless because you arrive late” as to point out: “You arrived late today, take care of your punctuality next time.”.
👉 The first type of criticism kills respect; the second opens the possibility of improvement.
Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading researchers on the subject, calls it "the first horseman of the Apocalypse" of relationships.
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- Defensiveness
Defensiveness is the wall we build to protect ourselves from criticism.
The problem is that, instead of solving problems, it blocks communication and personal responsibility.
When someone lives defensively, they interpret every comment as an attack. This constant tension creates a toxic environment that, over time, not only destroys the relationship but also physical and emotional health.
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- Contempt
Contempt is pure poison. It manifests itself in sarcasm, mockery, disdainful gestures, and attitudes that place the other person as "less.".
Of all behaviors, it is the most destructive: it extinguishes affection, corrodes admiration, and deteriorates trust.
The ego uses contempt as a weapon of exclusion, but the consequence is always the same: loneliness and rupture.
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- The evasion
Withdrawing emotionally or physically from conflict may seem like “maturity” or “peace,” but in reality it is a false escape.
Problems that are not addressed grow, worsen, and sooner or later explode.
👉 The most powerful skill in a healthy relationship is not avoiding difficult topics, but daring to talk about them respectfully.
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- Excessive jealousy
Jealousy in small doses can be a game; in excess it becomes a prison of control and possessiveness.
The jealous person seeks to dominate: "I want you all to myself." But that's not love, it's violence disguised as affection.
No relationship built on unhealthy jealousy can thrive. Remember: what matters is not how long it lasts, but that it remains healthy.
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- The lack of effective communication
Nobody can read your mind.
The ability to express what you feel, what you need, and what you think is vital.
The absence of clear, direct, and respectful communication is one of the surest predictors of a breakup.
👉 If you don't know how to communicate, you don't know how to connect.
👉 And if you don't know how to connect, your relationship is destined for frustration.
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- Inflexibility
Life changes, people evolve, circumstances transform.
If there is no capacity for adaptation, the relationship stagnates, hardens, and breaks down.
Flexibility does not mean always giving in, but rather seeking common ground, recognizing that growing together requires movement.
As Darwin said: "He who does not adapt, dies.".
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Conclusion
The success of a relationship is not measured in years together, but in the degree of health, growth, and vitality it brings to both partners.
True commitment is not about enduring out of habit, but about deciding every day: "I choose to be with you because it's good for me to grow with you.".
When that "yes" ceases to be mutual, the breakup begins.
Therefore, the inner work of each member is the root of any healthy relationship.
Thank you for reading me.
If you wish to delve deeper into this topic and work directly on your way of relating, I invite you to my Naked Relationships retreat: a space where you will discover how to heal, strengthen and elevate your way of loving.
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