5 behaviors you should not tolerate in your marriage
There are things that if we don't know how to do, we must learn to do them. Stopping is important, saying no, saying what bothers us, talking calmly about what we want, planning together, building, but to do this we must identify which behaviors are intolerable.
When you stand before a judge and say, “I accept,” you are making a lifelong commitment to forgive and forgetHowever, this does not apply indefinitely: here we tell you some actions that you should never allow in your marriage. Love is not always unconditional.
John Gottman, a leading expert in marriage and family studies, can predict with 91% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce. When observing couples, one of the main communication errors that Gottman analyzes is the contempt.
This includes sarcasm, cynicism, insults, boredom, inconsideration, mockery and hostile humor. In short, it is the attitude of reacting with displeasure towards the partner. By showing contempt towards the other, problems are not solved; on the contrary: the partner's self-esteem is destroyed. Now here are the 5 behaviors that you should not tolerate:
1. Physical violence
Abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional, is not acceptable in a marriage. If your spouse hits, degrades, or humiliates you, seek help. Even if you are married, you should never be forced to have sex against your will.
Physical violence is a bigger deal than you think. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Nearly 1 in 4 women (22.3%) and 1 in 7 men (14.0%) ages 18 and older in the United States have experienced serious physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their life.” Even if you aren’t experiencing a problem with it, there’s a good chance someone around you is.
2. Your partner comes in last place
In our daily lives, there are many things that require our energy: taking care of the children, illnesses or our career. But the couple should not always come last.
If your spouse is constantly taking care of everything and always leaving you for last, there is a problem. Spousal neglect is a real thing and it is a silent relationship killer. It is necessary for each partner in the marriage to make sure that their spouse's needs are being met.
3. Rage
There's a big difference between anger and rage. It's normal for couples to get angry or upset from time to time. But rage is much more intense. It's something entirely different. If your spouse has outbursts of uncontrollable rage and hatred, that's not normal, nor is it healthy.
Lynne Namka, A therapist who studies anger, advises: “Don’t be so naive as to believe that you can change someone else’s anger patterns. After all, she has been through many years of this behavior before she met you. The above patterns lie deep in the psyche and will not change unless the person makes a strong commitment to becoming a better person.”
4. Vices
A vice includes any immoral behavior. I ask you a question: Does your partner lie, cheat, steal, break the law? Your spouse's misbehavior not only affects his or her life, but also yours.If your husband is sued, goes to jail, or goes bankrupt for his actions, his behavior will follow you wherever you go.
5. Infidelity
This error is unacceptable. A strong and healthy marriage requires complete fidelity. Joy and Gary Lundberg, in their article 10 Ways You're Cheating on Your Partner and Don't Realize It, explains that cheating includes flirting with coworkers, talking too personally with someone of the opposite sex, criticizing your spouse, spending time alone with someone of the opposite gender, dressing to attract someone other than your spouse, or refusing sex as punishment.
If you are experiencing any of these issues, as a victim or a perpetrator? Or do you feel like you are losing control? Contact us to take the necessary steps to save your marriage.
Related Articles
